if it’s green…

does that make it healthy? can i get an AMEN?! yes, i can!

it’s that time of year for the McDonald’s Shamrock Shake and all is good in the world once again! what’s better than sucking green bliss through a straw and getting a minty high  at the end of every slurp? NOTHING. i’m usually vanilla with this sort of thing, but when shamrock come’s a-callin’, i just have to “shake” it up!

run, don’t walk. RUN! do not pass go and drive up to the nearest Mickey Dee’s window and get yourself green and happy!

an apple a day…

..makes me gassy. how’s a girl supposed to eat a healthy snack with such backlash? perhaps it’s the peanut butter that i put on it…or maybe the mound of raisinets on top of that. either way, i’ve got myself a little problem and so do the people around me.  sorry, people around me!

fireballs

i’ve eaten six red hot atomic fireballs today. what, you say? so what? well, there’s an art to eating them! it’s not just about popping it into your mouth. at first it fools you into thinking you’re going to have a rather “sweet” but cinnamon-y experience, but in just a few seconds, that cinnamon flavor turns into fire in your mouth. hurry up, suck away. c’mon, you can do it! suck that red coating right off and get yourself to that sugary, chalky white ball and quick! crunch down and destroy!!!

repeat all of the above and have another!

galentine’s day…

today’s valentine’s day.  this really bothered me when i was a single gal. all i could think about was all those cozy happy couples kissing and cooing in a dark romantic restaurant while feeding each other and playing footsie under the table.  i used to think ‘I’M SUCH A LOSER AND NOBODY WANTS TO FEED ME AND PLAY WITH MY FEET’! i spent most valentine’s days with my girlfriends, hence GALENTINE’S day.

now a married gal, valentine’s day is a crock. it just seems silly. it feels forced. we don’t need a cold day in february to make us feel like playing footsie. i’m really not into feet, his or mine.  the feeding part is fun though…no actually, just the eating part is fun. i hope he gets me a huge box of chocolate, but i’d like to feed myself . i can eat more that way.

it’s that time again…

holy girl scout cookie! those 0bnoxious trefoils are calling my name, can you hear it? it’s hard to hear over the loud screams of the thin mints for which i eat by the sleeve. what are those little girl scouts trying to prove? if all they want is another badge on their sash, i’d gladly buy them one, but these cookies are the death of me! hang on a sec…the do-si-dos are knocking on my door.

i gotta come clean…

it’s been awhile since my last post and i have a confession.  okay, here goes: i gained 10 lbs. i know, you’re not shocked. truthfully, it’s really none of your beeswax, but i’ve been so honest up until this point, so i had to spill my guts…plus, the button on my pants is being such a bitch. it’s basically blackmailing me into my truth telling. who does it think it is? Damn you, button on my pants! quit your moaning and complaining because if you don’t, i’m going to get my trusty needle and thread and move you over a little! believe me,  i’ll do it and i can’t promise that i won’t stab you by accident!

salad bar know-how…

quite frankly, i’m all frazzled. why are there so many of these salad bar “choose your own ingredients” type places in the world? i don’t have a clue what goes with what! sure, i love mostly everything,  but there’s a certain know-how that one needs to make that perfect bite a symphony in your mouth. i get so overwhelmed when there are so many choices. i toss everything into the bowl and end up with something that just doesn’t work. too much is too much! yes, i said it and i meant it. a salad should have just the right amount of salt, sweet, crunch, protien, and fat; otherwise it’s a big mish mosh and i have no desire for a mish or a mosh. i drown it with dressing and shovel it in regardless. oh joy!

summer lovin’…

summer 2012, the summer of love. the love of corn on the cob, mmm delish! what is better you ask? i suppose cob of chocolate is a close second, but just thinking about all those buttery yellow nubs of sweetness is what I craved all summer long. if only that sweetness wouldn’t get stuck between my teeth, it would be pure perfection. the cob is most certainly not date food. it’s most certainly not “eating in public establishments” food. the cob needs to be in the privacy of your own backyard. most definitely. absolutely. hey, anyone got a toothpick?!

revealing the feet…

it’s that time of year again. flip flop season. my feet haven’t seen the light of day in many months…and they look it. i guess i neglected them a wee bit. they’re looking kinda straggly…kinda rough…kinda white! fast forward a month from now and they’ll have the glow from the sun that they really need. they’ll be foot fetish worthy for sure. i love being barefoot. shoes only hold me back. i need to feel foot naked and fancy free. flip flops are almost better than ice cream. almost.

Period Weight…

stinks! weighing in on a period day can really mess a girl up. i stayed within my points <really, i did!> and still…the ol’ extra 3 lbs. of menstruation  stuck to me like glue! it’s not bad enough that we have to tend to it for 7 full days…now it’s punching me in the face on the scale! F-U, period weight! pick on someone you’re own size! okay, that made no sense but you know what i mean….