with passover and easter just around the corner, my religion tells me that i should eat matzah and yet my tummy tells me something totally different; GO TOWARDS THE JELLY BEANS! yeah, i enjoy matzah just like the next passover lovin’ guy, but i want the beans! when it comes to jelly beans, i consider myself lucky. my favorite is the black one. NOBODY ever likes the black ones. guess what? MORE FOR ME! sure i love all the chocolate eggs too, but i can find chocolate all year round…and i do. jelly beans are the truest sign that spring is coming (whether the bunny comes or not). black is beautiful!
who would’ve thought that something that looks like a bowl of cement could be so delicious?! fat girl’s don’t like oatmeal…this is a meal for athletes i always thought. but no, this is totally my new addiction; my breakfast of champions. add a nice big dollop of brown sugar and this bowl of mush is just pure heaven. sure, i always knew that this wonderful oat was amazing in a cookie, but cooked to perfection is really all i want in the morning. well, besides more sleep of course. must. have. oatmeal.
i’ve eaten six red hot atomic fireballs today. what, you say? so what? well, there’s an art to eating them! it’s not just about popping it into your mouth. at first it fools you into thinking you’re going to have a rather “sweet” but cinnamon-y experience, but in just a few seconds, that cinnamon flavor turns into fire in your mouth. hurry up, suck away. c’mon, you can do it! suck that red coating right off and get yourself to that sugary, chalky white ball and quick! crunch down and destroy!!!
repeat all of the above and have another!
today’s valentine’s day. this really bothered me when i was a single gal. all i could think about was all those cozy happy couples kissing and cooing in a dark romantic restaurant while feeding each other and playing footsie under the table. i used to think ‘I’M SUCH A LOSER AND NOBODY WANTS TO FEED ME AND PLAY WITH MY FEET’! i spent most valentine’s days with my girlfriends, hence GALENTINE’S day.
now a married gal, valentine’s day is a crock. it just seems silly. it feels forced. we don’t need a cold day in february to make us feel like playing footsie. i’m really not into feet, his or mine. the feeding part is fun though…no actually, just the eating part is fun. i hope he gets me a huge box of chocolate, but i’d like to feed myself . i can eat more that way.
holy girl scout cookie! those 0bnoxious trefoils are calling my name, can you hear it? it’s hard to hear over the loud screams of the thin mints for which i eat by the sleeve. what are those little girl scouts trying to prove? if all they want is another badge on their sash, i’d gladly buy them one, but these cookies are the death of me! hang on a sec…the do-si-dos are knocking on my door.
it’s been awhile since my last post and i have a confession. okay, here goes: i gained 10 lbs. i know, you’re not shocked. truthfully, it’s really none of your beeswax, but i’ve been so honest up until this point, so i had to spill my guts…plus, the button on my pants is being such a bitch. it’s basically blackmailing me into my truth telling. who does it think it is? Damn you, button on my pants! quit your moaning and complaining because if you don’t, i’m going to get my trusty needle and thread and move you over a little! believe me, i’ll do it and i can’t promise that i won’t stab you by accident!
quite frankly, i’m all frazzled. why are there so many of these salad bar “choose your own ingredients” type places in the world? i don’t have a clue what goes with what! sure, i love mostly everything, but there’s a certain know-how that one needs to make that perfect bite a symphony in your mouth. i get so overwhelmed when there are so many choices. i toss everything into the bowl and end up with something that just doesn’t work. too much is too much! yes, i said it and i meant it. a salad should have just the right amount of salt, sweet, crunch, protien, and fat; otherwise it’s a big mish mosh and i have no desire for a mish or a mosh. i drown it with dressing and shovel it in regardless. oh joy!
summer 2012, the summer of love. the love of corn on the cob, mmm delish! what is better you ask? i suppose cob of chocolate is a close second, but just thinking about all those buttery yellow nubs of sweetness is what I craved all summer long. if only that sweetness wouldn’t get stuck between my teeth, it would be pure perfection. the cob is most certainly not date food. it’s most certainly not “eating in public establishments” food. the cob needs to be in the privacy of your own backyard. most definitely. absolutely. hey, anyone got a toothpick?!
it’s that time of year again. flip flop season. my feet haven’t seen the light of day in many months…and they look it. i guess i neglected them a wee bit. they’re looking kinda straggly…kinda rough…kinda white! fast forward a month from now and they’ll have the glow from the sun that they really need. they’ll be foot fetish worthy for sure. i love being barefoot. shoes only hold me back. i need to feel foot naked and fancy free. flip flops are almost better than ice cream. almost.