summer

i sweat and that’s that.

some gals shine, some gals glisten, and some gals just plain ol’ sweat. let’s just assume you are one of the sweaters just like me. please oh please, i hope you are! i can’t be the only sweaty person in the world, no way…for sure i am not. lovely, right?

not everyone sweats the same though. there are the beads of sweat on the nose sweaters. and the side of the temple drippy sort of sweaters. and let’s not forget all you above the lip sweaters. i happen to be one of the oh so gross back of the neck sweaters…neck towel, anyone? i guess it could be worse. i could be an underarm stain sweater. not cool to be her at all. it’s hard to look sophisticated with all that wetness going on. “wipe, dab, wipe, dab”.  would it be considered sophisticated to carry a small mobile fan with me? no. real women sweat? yes, they do and i am as real as they come.  sweating is just one of many wonderful tricks that my body performs.

love the summer, hate the heat. love the sun, hate the heat. hate the heat, hate the sweat.

 

sun

 

 

summertimeeeeeee

just the sound of the word SUMMER makes me smile! Sure, I usually use this space to bitch and moan…but what’s to bitch and moan about SUMMER?! it’s a happy little season, isn’t it? i suppose if you live in a warm climate all year round, SUMMER means nothing…but to this girl: it means EVERYTHING!

flip flops – air those footsies out, people! let your toes see the world and color them pretty!

bbq’s- nothing wrong with bbq’ing all year round, but summer bbq’ing has more taste for some reason…same amount of calories unfortunately!

swimwear – yeah, i know…WHATEVS! show it, feel it, SWIM it!

daylight – longer days with the sun shining…what could be better?

watermelon – nuf said. winter watermelon? no thank you!

attitude – happy go lucky! okay, not all the time…but even stress feels better in the sunshine, in the water, on a raft, with a cocktail, enjoying a snack, la la la!

okay, this will be my last annoyingly happy post….i just can’t help myself today! SUMMER is here and i feel good!

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knock knock…

is this thing on? anyone home? can you hear me?

yeah..i guess it’s on, i just haven’t had anything new to say. nah, that’s a lie. i always have something to say. summer is approaching any minute. the bathing suits in my drawer are reminding me of that. all i can think about is bbq’ing to be perfectly honest. my own and other people’s bbq’s are on top of my mind. summertime is for eating. how ironic is that?? eat more and strut around in something that resembles your underwear for all the public to see. yeah, that makes no sense. maybe it’s just me? maybe i’m the only one who dreams about hamburgers, and well-cooked hot dogs on the grill, chicken and ribs bathing in bbq sauce, buttery corn on the cob, potato salad “just like your mother made” but it’s really from shoprite, chips, pickles, and those deliciously sweet baked beans.

MUST. BBQ. SOON.

bbq1

i heart oatmeal…

who would’ve thought that something that looks like a bowl of cement could be so delicious?! fat girl’s don’t like oatmeal…this is a meal for athletes i always thought. but no, this is totally my new addiction; my breakfast of champions. add a nice big dollop of brown sugar and this bowl of mush is just pure heaven. sure, i always knew that this wonderful oat was amazing in a cookie, but cooked to perfection is really all i want in the morning. well, besides more sleep of course. must. have. oatmeal.

oaty

an apple a day…

..makes me gassy. how’s a girl supposed to eat a healthy snack with such backlash? perhaps it’s the peanut butter that i put on it…or maybe the mound of raisinets on top of that. either way, i’ve got myself a little problem and so do the people around me.  sorry, people around me!

nutty_apple_snack_and_sandwich

fireballs

i’ve eaten six red hot atomic fireballs today. what, you say? so what? well, there’s an art to eating them! it’s not just about popping it into your mouth. at first it fools you into thinking you’re going to have a rather “sweet” but cinnamon-y experience, but in just a few seconds, that cinnamon flavor turns into fire in your mouth. hurry up, suck away. c’mon, you can do it! suck that red coating right off and get yourself to that sugary, chalky white ball and quick! crunch down and destroy!!!

repeat all of the above and have another!

zxcS

galentine’s day…

today’s valentine’s day.  this really bothered me when i was a single gal. all i could think about was all those cozy happy couples kissing and cooing in a dark romantic restaurant while feeding each other and playing footsie under the table.  i used to think ‘I’M SUCH A LOSER AND NOBODY WANTS TO FEED ME AND PLAY WITH MY FEET’! i spent most valentine’s days with my girlfriends, hence GALENTINE’S day.

now a married gal, valentine’s day is a crock. it just seems silly. it feels forced. we don’t need a cold day in february to make us feel like playing footsie. i’m really not into feet, his or mine.  the feeding part is fun though…no actually, just the eating part is fun. i hope he gets me a huge box of chocolate, but i’d like to feed myself . i can eat more that way. choc

it’s that time again…

holy girl scout cookie! those 0bnoxious trefoils are calling my name, can you hear it? it’s hard to hear over the loud screams of the thin mints for which i eat by the sleeve. what are those little girl scouts trying to prove? if all they want is another badge on their sash, i’d gladly buy them one, but these cookies are the death of me! hang on a sec…the do-si-dos are knocking on my door. Girlscout Cookies

i gotta come clean…

it’s been awhile since my last post and i have a confession.  okay, here goes: i gained 10 lbs. i know, you’re not shocked. truthfully, it’s really none of your beeswax, but i’ve been so honest up until this point, so i had to spill my guts…plus, the button on my pants is being such a bitch. it’s basically blackmailing me into my truth telling. who does it think it is? Damn you, button on my pants! quit your moaning and complaining because if you don’t, i’m going to get my trusty needle and thread and move you over a little! believe me,  i’ll do it and i can’t promise that i won’t stab you by accident!

button

salad bar know-how…

quite frankly, i’m all frazzled. why are there so many of these salad bar “choose your own ingredients” type places in the world? i don’t have a clue what goes with what! sure, i love mostly everything,  but there’s a certain know-how that one needs to make that perfect bite a symphony in your mouth. i get so overwhelmed when there are so many choices. i toss everything into the bowl and end up with something that just doesn’t work. too much is too much! yes, i said it and i meant it. a salad should have just the right amount of salt, sweet, crunch, protien, and fat; otherwise it’s a big mish mosh and i have no desire for a mish or a mosh. i drown it with dressing and shovel it in regardless. oh joy!